This past year was rather odd with more life troubles to come along and some very old ones to pass.

The grudge that I had towards my father, I finally came to terms with it all and it has passed. Basically, it started because I was thinking about getting my G.E.D. when I was still in high school. My father was against it but at the same time he supported my decision.[i know it's contradictory but that's how he was]So during that time I was given to him by me some study books for the G.E.D. test which I read up on. During this time he met a lady[who became his current wife]whom he was spending all of his time with and thus was rarely home most days. I took the initiative to get on the ball with my studies and quit going to school. He, of course, didn't know this until a few days before school ended and was quite mad at me. It was as if he never knew of what I told him about getting my G.E.D. So he kicked me out to my mothers because of it and heckled me constantly for it, even called me worthless.

Needless to say, ow...

To a child, their parents are their role models. To me, my father was my god. Imagine if your faith disowned you, how distraught you'd be. He hasn't apologized about it but inside of him I can tell he's sorry. But the old goat is so full of pride that he can't bring himself to do it but his actions show how he feels about the whole thing. I forgive him completely over it but like father like son, I haven't said a word of it to him. I can understand him staying at his wife's house since he didn't date since my mother divorced him ten years prior. But I felt that he should've been there for me during that time. Even so, in the past it is.

Having a serious relationship for the first time was just about the same as well. Unless of course you count the age difference. Her being eighteen and me twenty-one.

It was a good thing when it started and she even stayed with me at my house for periods of time. I was everything that a stand up guy should be to a girl but it just wasn't enough it seems. As if she wanted to be treated like crap in her relationships. I understood the fact that she was treated poorly most of her life but if that is what you want in a relationship then something is quite wrong. Same interests in most things but it was the little things that broke it. Different mindsets when it came to communicating and speaking our words. Got rather rough towards the end. Fucked another guy, had more worried if she was going around with more guys. Just like taking your heart and pulling it backwards through a paper shredder.

Broke up... but at the same time she missed me. I figure it must have been because she liked the feeling of someone genuinely caring about her deep down inside. Flopped back and forth but in the end she got with someone else. To me it felt like she left me for this other guy whom she only knew for two days, LITERALLY. Where as she loved me I was IN LOVE with her but she dismissed it as I was just clinging to her. Oh, how wrong she was and in a way still is. Not to mention she was fucking him, in MY HOUSE, next to MY ROOM. I voiced my opinion but was verbally slapped with:

"You're being a baby, get over it."

Yeah, okay... Even had my own sister, my blood sister take her side over mine. No matter what I did or said, I was rejected. What could I do? What COULD I DO? Nothing, that's what. I had to take that clusterfuck of emotional slaughter every time I stepped into my house. Having to deal with that was a nightmare I don't ever want to relive...

Well, she got her wish though since the guy turned out to be a total cunt wad to her. Disrespected her, ignored her and made fun of her quite a bit. He turned out to be a complete asshole. I don't know what hurt more, the fact that she says she was in love with him and not me or that fact that he was so mean to her that she stayed with him for seven months whereas we were together for less than three. Even now I'm still mixed inside about everything that happened.

But, through everything that has happened last year some true good has came out of it.

I've met a friend that is like my twin brother that I know I'll be friends with til the grave. Quite a many good things have happened to me since August. Primarily my investment in getting an Xbox 360. I've met many good people through XBL whom I play and chat with regularly. Not to mention within the six months that I've had my 360 I have almost a total of 12K in gamer score. No life? Just a lot of free time. Finally getting a working computer even if it's a franken with no two parts same year or make. It's rather neat actually and works like a charm.

Voidist is my gamer tag. L4D and Halo 3 are what I usually play. TF2 and Gears on some days. Gotta say, the 360 has great software but shitty hardware. My 360 has had 3 RROD since it's creation. One before I obtained it and two during it's care under me.

All in all, I guess I'll just try to stay the free spirit that I've always been and just go with the flow.