The winds of the king!

Zenshin!

Keiretsu!

Tenpakyouran!

Look, the East is burning red!

Hot blood and manly tears will fill your soul. I have never seen another series that gets me fired up, teared up and pumped like G Gundam has. The best series out of the Gundam universe to date and possibly in all of mecha. I cannot describe to you how moving this series is to ones soul. You'll just have to watch it yourself.

This past year was rather odd with more life troubles to come along and some very old ones to pass.

The grudge that I had towards my father, I finally came to terms with it all and it has passed. Basically, it started because I was thinking about getting my G.E.D. when I was still in high school. My father was against it but at the same time he supported my decision.[i know it's contradictory but that's how he was]So during that time I was given to him by me some study books for the G.E.D. test which I read up on. During this time he met a lady[who became his current wife]whom he was spending all of his time with and thus was rarely home most days. I took the initiative to get on the ball with my studies and quit going to school. He, of course, didn't know this until a few days before school ended and was quite mad at me. It was as if he never knew of what I told him about getting my G.E.D. So he kicked me out to my mothers because of it and heckled me constantly for it, even called me worthless.

Needless to say, ow...

To a child, their parents are their role models. To me, my father was my god. Imagine if your faith disowned you, how distraught you'd be. He hasn't apologized about it but inside of him I can tell he's sorry. But the old goat is so full of pride that he can't bring himself to do it but his actions show how he feels about the whole thing. I forgive him completely over it but like father like son, I haven't said a word of it to him. I can understand him staying at his wife's house since he didn't date since my mother divorced him ten years prior. But I felt that he should've been there for me during that time. Even so, in the past it is.

Having a serious relationship for the first time was just about the same as well. Unless of course you count the age difference. Her being eighteen and me twenty-one.

It was a good thing when it started and she even stayed with me at my house for periods of time. I was everything that a stand up guy should be to a girl but it just wasn't enough it seems. As if she wanted to be treated like crap in her relationships. I understood the fact that she was treated poorly most of her life but if that is what you want in a relationship then something is quite wrong. Same interests in most things but it was the little things that broke it. Different mindsets when it came to communicating and speaking our words. Got rather rough towards the end. Fucked another guy, had more worried if she was going around with more guys. Just like taking your heart and pulling it backwards through a paper shredder.

Broke up... but at the same time she missed me. I figure it must have been because she liked the feeling of someone genuinely caring about her deep down inside. Flopped back and forth but in the end she got with someone else. To me it felt like she left me for this other guy whom she only knew for two days, LITERALLY. Where as she loved me I was IN LOVE with her but she dismissed it as I was just clinging to her. Oh, how wrong she was and in a way still is. Not to mention she was fucking him, in MY HOUSE, next to MY ROOM. I voiced my opinion but was verbally slapped with:

"You're being a baby, get over it."

Yeah, okay... Even had my own sister, my blood sister take her side over mine. No matter what I did or said, I was rejected. What could I do? What COULD I DO? Nothing, that's what. I had to take that clusterfuck of emotional slaughter every time I stepped into my house. Having to deal with that was a nightmare I don't ever want to relive...

Well, she got her wish though since the guy turned out to be a total cunt wad to her. Disrespected her, ignored her and made fun of her quite a bit. He turned out to be a complete asshole. I don't know what hurt more, the fact that she says she was in love with him and not me or that fact that he was so mean to her that she stayed with him for seven months whereas we were together for less than three. Even now I'm still mixed inside about everything that happened.

But, through everything that has happened last year some true good has came out of it.

I've met a friend that is like my twin brother that I know I'll be friends with til the grave. Quite a many good things have happened to me since August. Primarily my investment in getting an Xbox 360. I've met many good people through XBL whom I play and chat with regularly. Not to mention within the six months that I've had my 360 I have almost a total of 12K in gamer score. No life? Just a lot of free time. Finally getting a working computer even if it's a franken with no two parts same year or make. It's rather neat actually and works like a charm.

Voidist is my gamer tag. L4D and Halo 3 are what I usually play. TF2 and Gears on some days. Gotta say, the 360 has great software but shitty hardware. My 360 has had 3 RROD since it's creation. One before I obtained it and two during it's care under me.

All in all, I guess I'll just try to stay the free spirit that I've always been and just go with the flow.

I've enjoyed this site for the four years that I've been here but every day I come here, every day I visit the forums it all becomes even more strange and unfamiliar to me. The influx of new users brings younger ones and with that less knowledgeable users. They make horrible threads, even more horrible jokes and don't get the good ones. Even when they do[which isn't often]they don't get them right. Granted, I was one at a time but there was less of my kind therefore I was able to learn quicker from the older user base. Whereas now there are less and less of the older users and more and more of the younger users. Most of them don't learn, ever. They continue to be terrible users until they are either banned multiple times[still...], are advised by older users[happens the most but not often]or they actually read the FAQ and mature some[never going to happen].

Maybe the reason why I'm so bitter towards the user base of this site is because I tried for many years to become a forum mod which never happened. I'd post helpful links, help out new users and even alerted the mod staff who were on at the time of something that was rule breaking. Maybe it didn't help that I was in the AAHC or that I wasn't the typical user and was more of an odd ball so to say but still. I was a review mod but only for three or so months. That came to an end when I got my account hacked into by trying to help out a user who got a virus from The Star Syndicate. I felt for him because I had the same virus two months prior. Needless to say Wade thought that was very stupid on my part and de-modded me for it. Granted I could've gone about it smarter but I had the well being of the user at mind at the time and wanted to help him out.

So I'm guessing that the old fashioned way of helping out the user base, being a good and stand-up user doesn't work. Apparently you have to get friendly with the mod staff and become friends with them to actually become one. This in a way is true, I have ramagi[NOT Ramagi, her 'r' is not capitalized]because I befriended her and she and a few other mods[the ones who frequented the Wi/Ht? I'm assuming]threw my name in the pot along with ADT & Jercurpac. I loved being a review mod, it gave me the chance to help the community and the site which is what I longed for all those years. I will not knock on any of the mod staff though, they don't have the easiest jobs. They aren't paid for what they do and are constantly being heckled and mocked by users every day. When they are on they do their jobs to the best of their abilities, sometimes even better. Sure, there are times when a mod can be wrong and it does happen but not often. They do it for the better of the community and for the user as well. It make kill whatever fun is at hand but rules are rules, at times they are broken. The talk of 'Mods get away with anything' is at times right but they have a right. It sounds odd but that's how it works. I could explain it but no one would really get it anyways.

Don't get me wrong, this site is still a good one but nothing like it used to be unfortunately. With time comes change and new users. New things you aren't familiar with, new ways that are not to your liking, new users who are new, enough said. Maybe it's because my computer is a piece of shit and can't handle playing flash files or doesn't like running for more than four hours before locking up and crashing. But, I don't really care for this site anymore and I've become quite jaded towards it. So to those who I know that still frequent here you're not going to see me very often these days. I'll still be here to deposit my experience points and see what is going on occasionally but that's about it.

My days posting are pretty much over, blam/protecting flash as well along with the lesser writing of reviews. It's kinda saddening because I'm still a stat whore deep down inside. I always wanted to become a EGSC which I am, have over 10k posts and experience which I do. I always wanted to get to 10k reviews as well but I don't see that happening ever. So to cut all of this short.

Goodbye for now.

As I sit in my chair and have a view around my room I notice something out of the corner of my eye. An old progress report book of mine that I've had since I was seven years old, first grade if you will. Many old pictures I drew in there I find. The house that I grew up in, my family & the teenage mutant ninja turtles. Among those drawings I find old math and literature test scores, many with the score of one hundred on them. Boy was I proud during those days when I got my tests back because I knew there was no way I'd make less than that.

I'd get off the school bus with my sister[who was in the fourth grade at the time]and I'd go running in the door and first thing I'd do was tell my dad about the test that I passed. He'd give me a hug and smile, telling me how proud of me he was. Mom would say the same thing too when she'd come home from the gym after work. That her and my father have raised a fine son[daughter as well, I guess].

Too bad I can't turn back the sands of time and go back to being a kid again. When my dad was there to help me out when I was in school. Going over my homework, helping me study for tests, showing me the tips and tricks to each subject. Unfortunately time changes everything, with that oh-so undesirable change at times. Grade school was the best, middle school was ok but high school, no. High school was dreadful, just about every minute aside from my psychology and science classes with some history, geography and human anatomy mixed in as well.

It's odd, I went from being your normal, run of the mill kid who was outgoing and social. I had a whole bunch of friends and just about everyone knew who I was at school. To years and years later, a recluse who is surrounded by anime, video games and manga.

I love you three. Don't ever change.

Is what I wanted to tell her one of these days. Spending four and a half months in a relationship, later finding out the girl you are dating only dated you out of loneliness. Saying that you are too young for her should be the tip off that she doesn't really care, her being more interested in drugs over anything else is one as well. Not returning calls or messages, any of that stuff is a clue that she doesn't want you. Even then, I couldn't really call it dating or a relationship but that's what everyone else labeled it as.

Alas, I didn't pick up on these things back then but now I am more knowledgeable about these 'relationships' that I'll probably never do one again. I don't really care since I have my friends and myself, not to mention I'll have more money to spend on things. Since I hit rock bottom I've came to terms with a lot of things but the one that matters most, her. But since she apparently doesn't want to talk to me ever again I can't really recover from that chapter in my life so I have no other choice but to bury my pain, forget all about it and move on.

Decided to treat myself for my 21st birthday and bought a Playstation 3 and Gundam Muso. Those, along with some Guinness, Smirnoff No.57 and some Gekkikan brand sake. All good stuff, great taste, especially the sake. I'll try and be happier from now on but my current job and ever lingering thoughts of her just keep dragging me back down into the depths. No, I'm not going to drink them away for it won't solve my problems despite the fact that I like to drink in the dark and alone for that matter. Depressing? Sure it is but everyone is depressed during one point or another in their life.

So apparently asking for Mondays and Tuesdays off consecutively is considered 'griping'.

I started working two jobs back in April, voluntarily, until we could find a replacement for the position. The second job deals with cleaning kitchen equipment, fryers, broiler, floors etc... I asked at the end of May to have those days off every week until a new person was found, that and to work night shift[it's a night time job, my second]. Manager said 'We'll see'. I asked again, twice in June, to have those days off. Again, 'We'll see'. I'm being nice here, running my own life into the ground for this place and I still don't get the days off.

I snap and go off. Emotions of rage and hatred swim around me and take form of a note. Sure, unprofessional of me and probably immature but hey, I'm sick of this treatment and this shitty job/jobs. She wanted to fire me but her mom said 'NO!' and scolded her.[you see, things don't work out right when family work together, EVER. AT ALL.] So because I told them that I was tired of being treated like crap, ignored and stepped on, not to mention the fact that I closed a night that the store managers husband did the second job and he acts like her spy seeing if I'm doing my job right and bossing the other grunts around, I got suspended.

Also, I got wrote up for calling out thrice on my second job that I voluntarily took up and the managers daughter ever said to me 'voluntarily' in the same sentence when she handed me my write up. What a fucking failure.

So, since this past Wednesday, I've been on my two week suspension. It's GREAT! I can actually live and breath again. I can do yard work, watch anime, play video games and have fun on the internet. Not to mention I can read the final Harry Potter book.

'Tis awesome. I wish I could be suspended more.

It sucks.

End.