Is what I wanted to tell her one of these days. Spending four and a half months in a relationship, later finding out the girl you are dating only dated you out of loneliness. Saying that you are too young for her should be the tip off that she doesn't really care, her being more interested in drugs over anything else is one as well. Not returning calls or messages, any of that stuff is a clue that she doesn't want you. Even then, I couldn't really call it dating or a relationship but that's what everyone else labeled it as.

Alas, I didn't pick up on these things back then but now I am more knowledgeable about these 'relationships' that I'll probably never do one again. I don't really care since I have my friends and myself, not to mention I'll have more money to spend on things. Since I hit rock bottom I've came to terms with a lot of things but the one that matters most, her. But since she apparently doesn't want to talk to me ever again I can't really recover from that chapter in my life so I have no other choice but to bury my pain, forget all about it and move on.

Decided to treat myself for my 21st birthday and bought a Playstation 3 and Gundam Muso. Those, along with some Guinness, Smirnoff No.57 and some Gekkikan brand sake. All good stuff, great taste, especially the sake. I'll try and be happier from now on but my current job and ever lingering thoughts of her just keep dragging me back down into the depths. No, I'm not going to drink them away for it won't solve my problems despite the fact that I like to drink in the dark and alone for that matter. Depressing? Sure it is but everyone is depressed during one point or another in their life.